by Kaitlin Einkauf

acebook used to be only for college kids. Those were the good ol' days. All it took was a college e-mail address, and with just a few clicks, it was like you had joined this ultra-secret club.

As silly as it may seem, I still remember the afternoon I signed up on Facebook. High school graduation was long gone and the moving-to-college date had been set. My friend had been insisting I get on Facebook for weeks. Having never been beguiled by MySpace, I didn't get why having this particular profile was so important. But oh, did I learn quickly. Each new friend request was so exciting—best friends, classroom acquaintances, even kids I hadn't seen since elementary school. Facebook was cool.

Those of us now in our mid-twenties were the ones who cut their teeth on Facebook. We entered college with this brilliant, evolving tool at our fingertips, and it quickly defined the way we lived and functioned. The key to organizing any sort of event? Facebook. The way to organize groups? Facebook. The source of all procrastination? Definitely Facebook. The running joke became: How on earth would we have managed without it?

These days, the rest of the world is learning to ask that same question. But with News Feeds, bumper stickers, "likes," Farmville, an Oscar-nominated film, and evolving marketing strategies, this is all old news. Facebook isn't just for college kids anyone. Everyone wants to be a part of it—even parents.

But let's briefly go back to the original Facebookers. We never liked change. The college populace would groan in unison whenever Facebook would make any sort of change—especially to its layout and exclusiveness. Allowing younger participants did not go over well at first. Then, businesses started joining the party. With time, Facebook lost its "secret club" feel, but we accepted Facebook's evolving nature and helped the newcomers feel at home as Facebook cemented itself into society. Marketing and communication were changed forever, and our vocabulary grew. Social media entered the dictionary, and friend became a verb. Friend has become just as natural in our vernacular as google. On a more serious note, though, stalking has also taken on a new meaning. When News Feeds were introduced, allowing users to see exactly what their friends were doing and posting, "Facebook stalking" came into sharp existence. What started as a complaint soon turned into another Facebook joke. Stalking just became another part of Facebook life.

With parents now on Facebook, stalking applies to them as well, and stands to potentially make things really awkward. We've all heard the drama and discussion over parents friending their children on Facebook. There have been those who don't mind, while others either blatantly refuse or give accolades of praise and thanks when their parents have no interest in Facebook. But what if we take this issue one degree further? Should parents friend their child's boyfriend or girlfriend on Facebook? When I first heard the question, it was hard not to let my gut scream "NO!" But what fun would such a short answer like that be? It would be much more fun to learn other opinions, compare them to my own, and share them. And what better place to ask this question than on Facebook itself? Interestingly, my peers were the ones who answered initially, and their responses were short, sweet, and very much to the point (see below).

 Since these were simply quick (yet intriguing) comments on Facebook, I sought out opportunities to discuss the question in more detail, but even during those conversations, the same ideas prevailed. Psychologist Dr. Sylvia Gearing of Gearing Up in Plano shared her professional insight as well. When asked about the general pros and cons of the situation, she was clear:

"Reaching out to a minor's romantic peer can be experienced as intrusive…I prefer to have parents monitor the relationship via unrestricted access to the child's Facebook traffic rather than actually participating in the relationship by friending the peer. Such behavior simply crosses a boundary."

Carol, a mother of three in Houston, is friends with all her children, as well as her eldest's boyfriend. While she thinks it's perfectly fine to be friends, she does believe "the girlfriend/ boyfriend should be the one to initiate." I completely agree, as does Dr. Gearing: "Let the friend request be uni-directional—from the friend to the parent."

Simply put, there are three major stipulations here. First, there's the direction of the friend request. But there's also an age threshold. If crossed too early, Dr. Gearing believes "you are legitimizing a transient, immature and usually superficial relationship. Getting overly involved in your child's relationships sends the message that these relationships are more important than they really are." Another Facebook friend of mine put it this way, "It changes the social dynamics of Facebook and has a great deal of potential to cause issues. Plus, it's a little weird."

Yes, very weird, especially if there is no contact or communication with the boyfriend or girlfriend before the friend request. I know I'm offering a caveat in saying that a friend request from the parent does become more acceptable once the child is older (as in 18 or older), but do meet them first.

Bottom line: There is plenty of gray area here. So much depends on personalities, personal preferences, and parental rules. There's no standard, magic time, or age when this situation suddenly becomes okay, so talk to your child. Get their opinion and discuss some ground rules.

So I guess the bottom line to the bottom line is what we all already know: communication is key. Facebook hasn't changed that, but it certainly has made it more interesting!

Kaitlin Einkauf is the director of finance for the Plano Symphony Orchestra, and still spends way too much time on Facebook.